Bass Pro Shop Outdoor World is rthe greatest store on the face of the earth. Any store with sex aisles of rubber worms is my kind of place. I love the big fish tank with the thirteen poind largemouth bass.

Club Husband a Lazy Island in a Sea of Web Insanity

Home

Shopping

Drinks

I have seen the Promised Land. On a bright spring morning I started my pilgrimage to the Mecca of fisherman. I allowed my wife, our kids and two other couples to accompany me. I drove as I always do because I am a husband and husbands do the driving. I had perused the map to compliment my uncanny ability to locate places I've never been. The trip took two hours fifteen minutes. I exited the Baltimore-Washington Turnpike onto route 100. We were close now. As I neared the mall I saw the centerpiece store's huge sign. "Outdoor World, Bass Pro Shops" We had arrived.

It took ten minutes to find a parking space because this like all Mecca's was a very busy place. I pulled into a space grabbed my five year old by the hand and hurriedly headed for the door leaving, my wife, my other kids and our friends in my dust. I heard in the faint distance my wife's voice saying things that can not be repeated here but I didn't care she would catch up as I slowed at the sight of a new bass boat. I was running my fingers slowly down the edge as she approached mumbling something about the store not closing for another twelve hours. I didn't care what she was babbling about I was among my people, the starry-eyed boat dreamers.

As I walked away thinking if she would get a second job and my son would give up his dream of straight teeth we could easily afford it. It was then I reached the door and entered. It was a simple double door with deer antler handles but I felt as if I had just parted the Red Sea. To my right were boats as far as I could see. To my left hunting gear everywhere. Straight ahead a trail of small boats filled with sale price lures and worms of every size shape and color imaginable. This trail lead to a huge fish tank where a salesman was demonstrating how to use a Zoom trick worm, lemon colored.

I watched the worm dance thru the tank and then I saw her. It was love at first site. She was beautiful. Slim but curvy in the right places, big full lips sparkling eyes and she moved with such grace. I was captivated. I later learned her name was Megan. A fourteen plus pound large mouth bass. I wanted her or one like her. I watched as she attacked the Zoom worm over and over again. I knew the secret to getting her was going to be, like most women, dependent on the size of my worm.

I saw the overhead sign "freshwater" and knew they must be there. I saw salesmen everywhere but didn't ask for help. How hard could it be to find a lemon colored Zoom worm? I saw the worm aisle and I entered looking at both sides as walked the length. Mmm, not there must be another aisle. I walked a second and a third, fourth, fifth, and finally the sixth and last aisle all the way to the end. There they were Zoom trick worms. Megan liked yellow but my pond back home isn't as clear as their tank so I began grabbing one of every color just to be safe. This is when my wife found me like an alcoholic in a bar. My fists were overflowing with colorful rubber worms. "Do you think you need that many?" she asked. I began a lengthy explanation on why I did and realized about half way thru not even I believed this crap. I put a few back and the rest into her cart and she smiled "are you sure you got the ones you wanted?" I nodded knowing that if I show control now her cart would soon have an assortment of everything from Panther Martins to Terminator spinner baits.

We spent two hours walking the store and didn't see it all. We saw a little of the camping gear. We saw most of the hunting supplies. We ate at "Uncle Bucks" snack bar. My son climbed the rock wall. I skipped the fly-fishing shop and the golf. They will have to wait for the next pilgrimage.

We were now ready to check out. My son had put some beef jerky in the cart. My wife had some candy for the other kids. The rest was mine, all mine. As we waited I saw my opportunity, the mall! "Honey why don't you go on at look at the mall. I'll get this and meet you out there." She went and I was safe. She would never know how much we spent that day. I don't remember the total but I did have to go to Dick's Sporting Goods (closer than the Bass Pro Shop) the next day to buy another tackle box to hold it all.

We have made that pilgrimage a couple times since. I have now seen it all, even the golf. If you ever get a chance you have to see one for yourself. Just remember Megan is mine.

                                                                       J Pat

We welcome guest columns from our readers. Can you write? Do you fish? Then why haven't you sent one in? Well? Reel in your lure and drop us a line at clubhusband@clubhusband.com

More Fishing......

Club Husband a Lazy Island in a Sea of Web Insanity