Send your questions to clubhusband@clubhusband subject line "marriage" They will all be answered here as soon as time permits.
Dear Club Husband, My wife makes me sit in the passenger side every time we take her car. How do I get her to let me drive? Riding Shotgun in Suburbia Dear Shot Gun, "How do you get her?" First of all the only time you "get" is in the bedroom. The rest of the time you tell her. So my advice is to grow a pair and tell her who's boss. If that doesn't work for you I would suggest getting yourself a Sunday bonnet and enjoying the ride. J Pat Dear Club Husband, It's hunting season and I need something to keep me warm when I'm out in the field. Please help! Frozen Feet Dear Froze,
My first choice can be found here-Sweet Spot-
But if you wish to remain married at least until Christmas I would try
Dave Dear Club Husband, My football games are being taken over by my wife's friends. I appreciate that she is taken an interest in football but I can't stand another Sunday filled with yapping broads, vegetable dips and white wine. What can I do to get back to my friends, chicken wings and beer? Victim of Powder Puff Football Dear Powder Puff, My advice is dependent on her friends. If they are hot enough enough to make an afternoon of drooling on them enjoyable, I say sit back and enjoy the show. If they are fullbacks in drag I would try another tactic. Next time your wife invites over Rosie O'Donnell and friends show up in nothing but your underwear. Make yourself some hot wings. Make sure to pick the bone clean(women love that) and just throw them on the floor when done. Also during commercials you might try telling some Club Husband jokes. If this doesn't work in getting rid of the women I would leave your wife to her gang of KD Langs and beat a path down to the local Hooters for some wings and breasts. J Pat Dear Club Husband, My wife insists on watching Dr. Phil every day. This guy is making me sick. Please, what can I do to make it stop? Philled out If it gets too bad you might want to try getting a job. That would get you out of the house and out of ear shot of that self inflated windbag. I know that is a little extreme but in this case it might be worth it. J Pat Dear Club Husband, My wife wants to introduce a vibrator into our sex life. Do you think this is a good idea? To tell you the truth I feel like this is an insult to me. Please let me know what you think. Soon to be Obsolete Dear Soon to be, When you talked her into going to work did you feel obsolete? Of course not! Remember anything that reduces your work load without any effort from you is a good thing. Just a word of advice don't let her buy the kind that plugs into the wall. Get her to buy the battery kind so at least when the batteries are weak you will be there to dive in, so to speak. If she buys the corded kind against your wishes this could be a bad sign. It also might be a sign to get some hand cream and a Penthouse because you are on the endangered list. Dave Dear Club Husband, My wife won't let me hunt in the late afternoon because she says a family should always eat dinner together. Can you help me explain to her that that is the best time to hunt. Evening hunter Dear Evening, I don't know about best time but afternoon hunting can be good. My advice is to grow a set and go hunting any damn time you want. Unless of course her cooking is more lethal than your gun! J Pat Dear Club Husband, Do you know any recipes that are easy to cook but impressive when eating? Lazy chef Dear Lazy, Check out our recipe section you jackass. All the recipes there are easy and taste great. By the way have you always been this stupid? Dave |