IT'S A "GUY THING" By Julie Donner Andersen Author of the new best seller, Past: Perfect! Present: Tense! Insights...From One Woman's Journey As The Wife Of A Widower"
(Copyright 2002 Julie Andersen) (http://www.weyantpress.com/andersen.htm)
Suddenly, without warning and to my utmost humiliation, my husband casually broke wind…loudly. A guy I knew in back in my college days actually thought women could not pass gas. He truly believed that women lacked the necessary ""equipment" to do so, which said a lot about his upbringing in a house full of motherless brothers. The fact is, women just don't DO those kinds of things in front of people, outside of our own family circle. But it's not that we, as a gender, are born without the required plumbing, and it's not even because we are too genteel and prudish to ever dream of farting in mixed company. It's just that we women are clueless about "Guy Things". Women are not expected to understand "Guy Things", but to just accept them as part of the nature of the beast and go on with married life as if these annoying little habits do not amount to a hill of beans. Frankly, "Guy Things" fascinate me. I mean, what is the significance of seeing how far one can spit? How does collecting…but never actually using…every tool Black & Decker ever made change the world? Where is it written that "boys night out" must be replete with beer, poker, and cheap cigars to call it a "success"? Why is it called "babysitting" when a husband watches his own children, yet when Mom does it all day long, it's just called "her job"?
After my husband's faux pas at our friends' home, the atmosphere of the room changed…and I'm not talking about odor wafting uncontrollably from my husband's chair seat. All of a sudden, the room relaxed. The other husband laughed uproariously and started sharing hilarious stories about farts from his "glory days". The two husbands spent the rest of the evening giving High 5's and football-esque butt pats to each other, as if the experiences of wind passing had now made them bosom buddies - bonded by mutual fart expeditions and the hilarity of it all. It felt more like a Superbowl party than a quiet evening of great food and pleasant conversation, complete with competitions, ranging from "who can fart the longest or loudest", "who can make the funniest fart noise", and my personal favorite…"who can do a 'fudgie' without pooping his respective Underoos". The other wife and myself were slightly amused, after the initial embarrassment wore off. Still, we watched our husbands' friendship grow before our eyes, and were awestruck like deer in headlights at the amazing absurdity of how little it takes for men to grow closer. I have girlfriends with whom I believe I share a close bond - women I have known my entire life. The experiences that have forged our close bonds are mostly those of a psychological if not emotional nature - boyfriend break-ups, weddings, birth experiences, and the like. But never in my 30-40 year friendships with these women have any one of us ever ceremoniously farted in each other's company. On the drive home, I asked my gassy husband what possessed him to share his flatulence with the crowd after the dinner dishes were cleared. He looked at me as if I had just asked him to explain the Theory of Relativity, and simply responded, "Honey, you're a girl! You'll never understand". I guess he's right. After all, it's a "Guy Thing".
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