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For the average man, it all started right around twenty years ago with
the marvelous introduction of cable television. Prior to that, we as red
blooded, males were forced to rent full blown adult videos from the neighborhood
rental store to satisfy our carnal cinematic desires. Like lepers, we were
made to feel looked down upon and scorned by the wholesome, middle aged,
contemporary Aunt Bee clone that always seemed to be behind the counter when
you wanted to rent your favorite film. When in reality all that you needed
to quell the aching visual need for female flesh was by no means as graphicas
what was offered out there in all the back room, curtain guarded, sections
of the video store. And then, by the grace of a higher power, cable televsion
gave us the option of pay movie stations. |
This was a benefit for the entire family. In the evenings and during the
day, we were offered recently released movies that were unedited and commercial
free. By the time the family was safely tucked away in bed and dreaming of
puppy dogs and ice cream cones, the men of the house were looking for something
a little less wholesome to watch.Particularly something produced and written
by someone who fully appreciated the beauty of the female body, and how that
beauty can be enhanced by adding another female body and a mediocre script
that had an attempt at actual acting. Since that magical point in history
we have been treated to a wonderfully fulfilling journey that left us satisfied
without feeling like a sexual deviant just because we happen to enjoy two
luscious vixens playing together
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Due to my deep love of the late night softcore film genre, I am happy
to announce the introduction of the M.B.T.R.(Mike's Boob Tube Review) Lifetime
Achievement Award. This is a prestigious honor that I do not take lightly.
It takes a certain special something to even be considered for such a monumental
accolade. Since this is the first award of its kind, we are setting a new
precedent and must make sure that we properly set the bar for all future
honorees. I must begin by assuring you that I have done what would be considered
more than ample research for this undertaking. Countless hours spent alone
in the wee hours of the morning with nothing but my harmless insatiable lust
for naked women pawing at each other, and myself for entertainment. Believe
me it was a sacrifice; but, in order to preserve the integrity of the award,
I felt like it was something that I had to endure. |
With that being said, it is my great pleasure to announce that this years
winner is the ever talented Shannon Tweed. Who could've guessed that I would
have picked a six foot tall Canadian as the first inductee? The world was
first introduced to this vision of loveliness in the 1978 Miss Canada pagaent;
however, she garnered much more popularity as the 1982 Playmate of the Year.
From that point she has gone on to star in nearly fifty movies and a number
of other television appearances including sitcoms such as Frasier and daytime
soap operas.
Forever burned in my memory are such instant classics as Cannibal Women in
the Avocado Jungle of Death, Bimbo Movie Bash, and Hot Dog- The movie. Not
to mention the multiple film series such as Night Eyes and Indecent Behavior.
What separates Shannon from the rest of the late night actresses is the fact
that she really isn't a terrible actress. I'm not saying that I would cast
her as Ophelia in Hamlet anytime soon; yet, when she appears on programs
that air before midnight, she certainly holds her own. I can't even joke
about saying the same statement regarding her costars in the genre. Not only
does she act in her films, she also has some production credits to her name.
Alas, it pains me to it say but I feel that I have taken for granted the
fact that Shannon Tweed will not be around forever in the same cinematic
capacity that she currently occupies. With the unfailing progression of years,
the mortality of her broad sex appeal to the masses comes into question.
Unlike the father of her two children(Gene Simmons) and his bandmates, I
have confidence in her ability to realize that her time as Queen of late
night cinema may be drawing to a close, and that a graceful fading away is
the best path to take. And that leaves us searching for a princess to replace
the Queen. Yet I know that she can never truly be replaced.
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